Welcome Foolish Mortals to the Best Haunted Mansion Quotes

Welcome, foolish mortals! Are you ready for a spooktacularly fun journey through the world of Disney’s Haunted Mansion?

From its iconic ride to its movies, our favorite ghostly dwelling has supplied us with quotes that will have us laughing and clutching onto our arms in fear!

Keep reading to explore some of the best Haunted Mansion quotes that are sure to make your day as eerie as ever.

In this post, I’ll share the top quotes from all three Haunted Mansion movies: The Haunted Mansion (2003), Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021), and Disney’s Haunted Mansion (2023), plus some lines from the Haunted Mansion ride.

Haunted Mansion ride quotes

The Haunted Mansion ride debuted at Disneyland in 1969 and has been delighting guests ever since.

So naturally Disney has come out with three separate Haunted Mansion movies for us all to enjoy.

But the ride is where it all started, so let’s dig in to the best Haunted Mansion ride quotes.

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Beware of hitchhiking ghosts! – The Ghost Host

Rest in peace, the haunting’s free! – The Ghost Host

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize! – As sung by ghosts

Welcome foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your ghost host. – The Ghost Host

Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here. But there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers? If you should decide to join us, final arrangements may be made at the end of the tour. – The Ghost Host

Madam Leota quotes

Madame Leota is an ethereal medium in the ride and films who’s always ready to serve up some sass with her supernatural abilities.

And what better way to honor her sassy spirit than by collecting all her best quotes?

From her very first appearance in the ride to the latest Haunted Mansion movie, Madame Leota has been serving up some serious one-liners.

And who better to introduce these gems than some fellow divas?

Jamie Lee Curtis, Miss Piggy, and Jennifer Tilly have all voiced or portrayed Madame Leota at some point, adding their own flair to the character.

So grab your crystal ball (or whatever you use for divination) and get ready for some wickedly witty Madame Leota quotes.

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Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at! – Madame Leota in the Haunted Mansion ride

Find the thing that must be read, let your heart be filled with dread. – The Haunted Mansion (2003)

Beware the full moon when he is most powerful. You won’t survive it – Madame Leota in Haunted Mansion (2023)

Angels in heaven, together at last. The tale is well ended for those who have passed. Love endures all. No reason. No rhyme. It lasts forever and forever all time. – The Haunted Mansion (2003)

Welcome foolish mortals to New Orleans, a most paranormal place. Where somber funerals end in celebration. Where death is not an ending, but a new beginning. And even grief can be a doorway to joy, if one is willing to walk through it. – Madame Leota in Haunted Mansion (2023)

Quotes from The Haunted Mansion (2003)

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the eerie world of The Haunted Mansion.

And before the chills run down your spine, let me give you a rundown of what this movie is all about.

It follows the story of a real estate agent, Jim Evers, played by none other than the hilarious Eddie Murphy, who is on a mission to sell an abandoned mansion.

However, things take a spooky turn when he and his family must spend a night in the mansion and are met with restless spirits.

But fear not, for we have compiled some of the wittiest and spookiest quotes from the film that will keep you entertained and absorbed in this gloomy tale.

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The butler did it? You’ve got to be kidding me! – Jim

Bob Vila would have a field day with this place. – Jim

Where’s that scary albino when you need him? – Jim

How wonderful. You’re going to kill a ghost. – Ramsey

Tell me, Mr. Evers – Do you believe in ghosts? – Master Gracey

There are worse things that purgatory, Madame. I can assure you. – Ramsey

Don’t think just because you pull out your sword I’m going to let you marry my wife! – Jim

You can’t help the dead, honey. They’re beyond help. That’s the nature of being dead. – Jim

Master Gracey: You have very beautiful children, Ms. Evers.
Jim: I kicked in some chromosomes, too.

Madame Leota: Evil and darkness have fallen this night. But now, to survive, you must gain new sight.
Jim: I must first gain new underwear.

Jim: Hey, honey, you know they have dead people in the backyard.
Sara: Well, some people have swimming pools. Others have private cemeteries. It can happen.

Michael: Dad?
Jim: Yeah, son…
Michael: I see dead people.

Madame Leota: Dark spirits from the grave come forth. Lift us from the black and show us, show us the way back.
Jim: Dark spirits? Hey, no dark spirits! Don’t you make no dark spirits come out!

Jim: Wait a minute. You’re telling me this guy is dead and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to get jiggy with my wife?
Ezra: Pretty much. Are you upset?
Jim: The guy is dead and he’s trying to get with my wife and the house isn’t really for sale. Yes, I’m upset!

Quotes from Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021)

Get ready to be spooked and entertained because we’re about to delve into the world of Muppets Haunted Mansion!

This frightfully hilarious film features all of your favorite Muppets, including Miss Piggy as the alluring Madame Pigota, who is not to be messed with.

Our fearless guide through this haunted adventure is none other than the zany Gonzo, who sets out to prove that he is the bravest of them all.

Along the way, he enlists the help of his trusty sidekick Pepe, who adds his own unique flavor of humor to the thrilling tale.

So grab your popcorn and get ready to be bewitched by the best quotes that I’ve curated just for you from this spooky masterpiece.

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Happy Halloween! – Gonzo

Bring me some tacos! – A Ghost

Dead prawn walking. – Limo driver

Welcome, foolish Muppets! – The Ghost Host

I shall be your host this evening. Your ghost host. – The Ghost Host

The party is down here six feet under. 🎶 - as sung by several characters

Don’t worry, folks. We’re not gonna be explaining all the jokes. – A Ghost

Hola, celebrities! I’m here! – Pepé, as he enters the “famous peoples room.”

Thank you. Thank you very much. – Scooter dressed as Elvis at a Halloween party

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize. 🎶 - as sung by Darren Criss and ghosts

Pumpkin spice lattes and a vampire bat, you must find a door with a glowing exat. – Madame Pigota

We’re here all week and all year, and also through all eternity. – Haunted Mansion show host (Kermit)

We now invite you to sit back and relax, as our 999 residents proudly present…your funeral. – The Ghost Host

Gonzo, you performed the greatest feat a soul could ever achieve: you faced your fear. And that is the greatest act of all. – The Ghost Host

Within these walls are your fears and your frights. Face them all bravely to survive through the night. For if by sunrise you fail this endeavor, then you y tu amigo must remain here forever. – The Ghost Host to Gonzo and Pepé

Serpents and spiders. Tail of a rat. Calling the spirits wherever they’re at. Pumpkins and ghoulies from last Halloween, awaken the spirits with your tambourine. Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond. Let there be music from regions beyond. – Madame Pigota

Gonzo: Yes! Yes. A thousand times, yes.
Pepé: Sí, and one time no way, José.

Gonzo: Well, you finally got the party you wanted.
Pepé: What? Are you crazy? I said famous peoples, not scary peoples.

Gonzo: Great! Hey, since you’re on a break, can you contact somebody from the great beyond?
Madame Pigota: I wish! But the Wi-Fi in here’s lousy. It’s like a total dead zone.

Gonzo: Wow! I can’t believe the invitation came with this free limo ride.
Pepé: Sí, sí. All the fancy Hollywood mansion parties have limos. Which is why all my girlfriends are texting.

Gonzo: You know what? I just realized this room has no windows and no doors.
The Host: Which offers this chilling challenge…to find a way out.
Gonzo: Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute! Wait a minute! A way out of the room or out of the house?
The Host: What? You’re kinda killing the moment here. I meant the room.

Quotes from Disney’s Haunted Mansion (2023)

Let’s get spooky, folks! The Haunted Mansion is back and it’s giving me goosebumps already!

Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Dan Levy, Winona Ryder, and LaKeith Stanfield round out the star-studded cast in this upcoming supernatural flick.

But don’t be fooled by their star power, this film isn’t just a celebrity parade.

In this version of The Haunted Mansion, a single mom (Dawson) moves into a spooky estate and realizes it’s haunted by the ghosts of its previous residents.

She hires a rag-tag group made up of a psychic (Haddish), a paranormal investigator (Stanfield), a local college professor (Wilson), and a priest (DeVito) to help rid the home of its ghostly inhabitants.

Eerie creaks, freaky shadows, and bone-chilling screams are just a few things this movie has in store for us.

So, let’s dive in and take a look at some of the spine-tingling quotes that sent shivers down our spines.

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This mansion is unhinged. – Father Kent

I’m not afraid of a couple ghosts. – Ben

We could be trapped here forever. – Ben

I think he wants me to be his last soul. – Ben

Ready to have your mind blown? – Father Kent

These ghosts DEFINITELY don’t wanna leave. – Harriet

Death lurks around every corner. – Professor Bruce Davis

Look, we’re in a fight whether we like it or not. – Father Kent

The power of Kent compels you! – Father Kent to a group of ghosts

Did I frighten you? Good, you should be frightened! – Hatchet Ghost

If this comes down to an exorcism, we’re in big trouble. – Father Kent

One question and then I leave. You wanna be a hero? – Father Kent to Ben

One man’s monster is another man’s great Halloween costume. – Father Kent

What do you want me to say? The Lord moves in mysterious ways. – Father Kent

Oh I do love surprises. And I’ve got a great one coming up for you. – The Hat-Box Ghost

Ghosts don’t exist. Life is dirt. We’re all dirt! – Ben to two of his tour guests, both named Carol

There are 999 souls that reside here! But there’s always room for one more! – The Hat-Box Ghost

Do you have any idea what it’s like to have a ghost horse charging through your bedroom? – Harriet

This is a historical walking tour. I will show you things and talk about them. No ghost stories. – Ben to Carol

If there’s an evil spirit here, only a banishment will do. And let me tell you, it will fight back. Ghosts like to fight. – Harriet

Ben, sorry to be so familiar. I just feel I know you already. You see, we have a friend in common. – The Hat-Box Ghost

Very powerful book you’re holding. Best know how to use it. – Madame Leota to Harriet

This could change the course of your entire life. Once you come inside, like, that’s it. There is no…no going back. – Gabbie to Ben

Two words. Spectral Photography. Yeah. That catch your attention? Because it sure caught mine. – Father Kent to Ben

When hinges creak in doorless chambers where the air is deathly still, these souls will not be displaced. Return them to their final resting place! – Harriet

Spirits, I come with curious intentions. Creak open the door to your dimension. Protect my body as I leave this helm. For now my spirit will enter the ghost realm. – Harriet

A prayer to get us started on the right foot: God, give us a break. We don’t want to be haunted and it seems like there’s so many bad people in the world. Haunt them. How about an “Amen” at the count of three? One, two, three, amen! – Father Kent

You didn’t tell me these ghosts be following people! I know your mama gots to be disappointed in you. I know she disappointed in you ’cause I’m pretty sure she taught you better than this! I knew this was weird. All these freaky, different-lookin’ people livin’ in the same place… – Harriet

Madame Leota: I can show you, but it will cost you. Three dollars.
Professor Bruce Davis: What? That’s highway robbery.

Now I know this place is absolutely dripping with the most sorrowful souls, all searching for what eluded them in life. Searching for purpose, too cowardly to do anything about it. But you – you have promise. You know that life has no meaning. That we all end up in the dirt. If you’re willing to help me, I can give you what you want. – The Hat-Box Ghost to Ben

Gabbie: Pumpkin, what’s wrong?
Travis: This place is haunted!
Gabbie: All right now, hang on. Now I know this place isn’t as warm as I had hoped. But you know, I think we get some daylight in here, it’s gonna feel better. Hey, I’m gonna light a vanilla candle and it’s gonna be a game changer.
Travis: Will it though?

What are your favorite Haunted Mansion Quotes?

Be sure to check out Haunted Mansion, now streaming on Disney+, and share your favorite lines and quotes in the comments below.

This post was originally published July 10, 2023. It was last updated October 11, 2023.